( The Magical Vagina )
A Woman comes in for her checkup, while her husband waits in the car.
Doctor: Well, okay. Let’s see what we’ve got here ?
Female Patient: Same old, same old.
Doctor: Well, okay. Here we. . . . WOW
The Doctor see’s something coming out.
Female: What’s wrong?
Doctor: Have you shaved?
Female: Yes?
Doctor: That is the hairiest Beaver I’ve seen.
Husband Walks in
Husband: Babe, I don’t want to wait in the car. Can’t I see the Doctor stick his finger, in the bottomless pit ? Holy crap, what’s that ?
Female: What is it ?
A Small little Beaver pops out.
Doctor: Oh my, that’s never happened before ?
Husband: That was the smell.
Female: Carl!
Husband: What? I smelled wet stinky beaver, let’s just be glad it wasn’t coming from you hun.
Beaver: Where am I?
Doctor & Husband : IT TALKS!
Beaver: AHH!
Female: Oh, my God. Please tell me this isn’t happing ?
Doctor: What should we do?
Husband: Push it back in?
Female: No, no one is pushing anything inside me.
Husband: She’s the same way in bed.
Female: CARL!
Doctor: Where did you come from, little fellow.
The Doctor Picks up the Beaver and begins to stroke him.
Husband: Hey baby, the Doctor is stroking your beaver.
Female: Shut up, Carl.
Beaver: I’ve come from the land of Cuntarnia.
Husband: Wow, how is it?
Beaver: Dry, lonely, and loveless.
Husband: Yup, that sounds about right.
Doctor: Do you want to go back little fellow.
Female: This can’t be happing.
Beaver: I rather like it here. And to tell the truth, I feel welcomed and loved for the very first time.
Husband: Can we keep it baby?
Female: NO!
Husband: So, my wife’s vagina is a portal to this fairyland Cuntarnia ?
Doctor: It seems so.
Husband: Baby, you have a magical vagina.
Female: Oh, God. Please I beg you, take this whole attention away from me.
Another Husband comes running in
Husband 2: Doctor, you’re not going to believe it.
Doctor: What?
Husband 2: My wife, is throwing a fist full of chocolate out of her Vagina.
Doctor: And?
Husband: Here’s the best part, an Oompa-Loompa came out!
Doctor, Husband and the Beaver Gasp in excitement
The Wife looks up in the sky and thanks God.
Female: I owe you one.
A Lion roar comes out of her Vagina
Female: You bastard.
- The End -
( Things you should keep to yourself)
A Man stands in a busy line in the grocery store, with a gallon of milk.
( Man ) I love milk, because I pretend it’s my Mother’s Breast milk!
The people just stare at him.
( Man) Mmmm, yummy.
- The End-
Late Night Phone Calls
Gina: Hello ?
Rick: It’s me, babe.
Gina: Oh, why are we calling this late night?
Rick: I wanted to have phone sex?
Gina: Ricky, your dirty boy. Okay. . .
Another Call comes in.
Gina: Can you hold baby?
Rick: Sure thing.
Gina: Thanks.
Gina Takes the other call
Gina: Hello?
Ashley: Hey girl.
Gina: Hey Ash, just one sec.
Ashley : No problem.
Gina takes the other call
Gina: Hey baby, you ready to rock my world.
Rick: Oh yeah.
Gina: Give it to me big boy.
Rick: Oh baby, I ‘m going to give it to you in the. . .
Gina Switches the call back Ashley
Gina: Hey girl, so what’s going on ?
Ashley: Are you busy?
Gina: No, nothing to big.
Ashley: Cool, I got a story to tell.
Gina: Oh, dish girl.
Ashley: Well, Stacy, was cheating on Brad.
Gina: Shut up!
Ashley: Nope, and now Brad plans to sleep with Stacy’s Mom!
Gina: Oh, my god.
Ashley: And I was like. . .
Gina Switches back to Rick
Rick: Can you feel it baby.
Gina: That’s it, give to me big boy.
Rick: I’m going to rock your world.
Gina Switches back Ashley.
Ashley: And I was like WOO, this can’t be happing, were all naked In bed with her Mom. . .
Gina Switches back to Rick
Rick: I’m your bitch, I”M YOUR BITCH.
Gina Switches back to Ashley
Ashley: And, we met Mel Brooks, I’m not sure how that happened, but then. . .
Gina Switches back to Rick
Rick is crying after getting off
Rick: I feel so weak.
Gina goes back to Ashley
Ashley: You know what I mean?
Gina: Totally.
Ashley: See, your like the only person. . .
Switches back to Rick
Rick: You know where I’m coming from right babe?
Gina: Of course.
Rick: I shouldn’t be ashamed that I wear women’s . . .
Switches back to Ashley
Ashley: Thanks for listening, talk to you tomorrow.
Gina: Can’t wait.
Ashley hangs up. Gina Switches back to Rick
Rick: It doesn’t make me less of a man?
Gina: It sure doesn’t.
Rick: God, I love you.
Gina: Love you too.
Rick: Talk to you tomorrow ?
Gina: You know it.
- The End-
