Erotica Fail ” JUAN THE VAMPIRE ”

He was Juan, the vampire. The lonely pale girl always used to watch him, seeing how he always used to mow her family’s lawn only at night. The lonely pale girl would always look at him and mutter ” I want his brown babies.” It was racist, but hot if you really think about it.

The pale girl spent nights trying to seduce Juan the vampire, she would dress with the window open, showing off her pale ass, with the tattoo of Lucky The Rabbit ” Silly Rabbit, Ass Is For Kids” Which was creepy and not hot at all, the pale girl regretted it her entire life.

Then of course one night as she slept, Juan crept into her window uttering words of love ” Estoy borracho” and so they banged for two minutes.

Oh, here’s the twist, Juan wasn’t a vampire and he wasn’t paid to mow their lawn, he just read twilight and thought there had to be some white pale girl that would fall for the scam.

THE END

 

Jesse Is Bored #1

Welcome to Jesse Is Bored, some of the random photos I take while on the move around town.

Inside every writer, is a teddy bear!!!

 

 

I’m not one to monkey around!

 

 

Meow!!!!!

 

 

I’m the guy on the right! My stage name The Guy Outside Your Window!

 

This from the man who writes about a masturbating killer… what can I say, there’s different sides of me

Hope you enjoyed JESSE IS BORED.

 

 

Google Time With Jesse #1

Welcome to Google With Jesse. Let’s see what are some of the top searches of some phrases

I guess a lot of guys had problems with their online girlfriend :O

Ok so if I was a mother, I would protect your kid from Mike Tyson

Girls, why is your vagina so itchy???

OOOOOK.. lol , hoped you enjoy this little laugh. See you next time, peace.

 

Random Facebook Posts By: Jesse Abundis

ALL THESE FACEBOOK UPDATES ARE MADE BY ME ( Jesse Abundis ) So here’s what you’re missing out on

 

 

WRITTEN:  Jan 18th

 

I wanna see a Pulp Fiction version with Batman & Superman, they’re riding in the batmobile, then Superman asks Batman ” Do you know what they call a quarter pound with cheese on Krypton?”" What do they call it?” Batman ask.

” Nothing, my whole fucking race is dead!” Then he pulls out kryptonite, breaks it, pulls out his credit card, makes a line, snorts it and dies!

Roll credits, then at the end put a special scene, where Louis Lane wakes up pulls the sheet and finds an OD Superman staring at her crossed eye!

 

WRITTEN: Jan  18

 

MAMA the movie title makes me laugh, I don’t picture a monster in the woods, I picture a big black lady saying ” Oh hell no, nobody takes my creepy little crackers, mama is about to whoop someones ass.”

 

 

WRITTEN:  DEC 27

 

Worst Defense Ever: I shot the Sheriff but I did not shoot the deputy.

*Yeah…either way your getting the chair. Ever herd of pleading the 5th!!!

 

 

 

WRITTEN: DEC 27

 

 

 

99 problems but a bitch ain’t one.

NOTE: Well if you stop calling her bitch, you might have a girl and 99 problems.

 

WRITTEN: DEC 22   ( TO THE MAYANS )

 

We’re alive!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Fuck! Now I have to apologize to all the fuck you letters I sent out :O fucking dooms day, can’t you ever keep to schedule?

 

 

WRITTEN: DEC 21

 

OMG the world is ending 12-21-12 :O quick everyone make love like there’s no tomorrow and if it doesn’t end, make sure to visit your doctor on 12-22-12 Std’s are a bitch xD

 

 

WRITTEN: DEC 19

 

 

OMG….It’s 2012! :O

( Yes, you wasted seconds of your life reading this, seconds you’ll never get back. I mean I don’t even know why your reading this message, this message itself is meant to waste your time. So stop reading….still reading? OMG, for real, whatever, I mean don’t you have something better to do…stop for the love of God, there’s nothing to read here…go to sleep or watch internet porn….OMG stop reading!!!!!! There’s a million things better to do…ok…….Stop!!!!!)