Jesse Short Stories


I’ve done a lot of different things on Youtube, none of them that lasted for a long time. Mainly cause I just didn’t know what I wanted from the site. This time around, I have a better sense of where I’m going.

I’m coming back to Youtube around July, to do my podcast and other short video projects. I’m not aiming to look like of the big hitters, I’m looking to be something different and bring new entertainment to the people on Youtube.

List of Shows Coming

Jesse Uncensored Podcast

* This is me bring a one hour podcast, live and on the fly. Also I’ll be taking live twitter questions as the show goes on. People can send me questions via the hash tag #JNUChat

Drawing With Jesse

* Sit down with me, let’s draw some random twisted crap. That’s right, Drawing with Jesse comes in many forms :D You will see the horrors that I have to create on my laptop and Kindle.

Ask Jesse

* You got questions, I got answers, ask them away on twitter and facebook, and I’ll respond back in this weekly segment.

Zero / Zero Commentary

*My new comic is coming out July and we’ll you’ll have a chance to read it. Then the following week I’ll be doing a commentary of what’s going and what’s to come, a little feedback on what went through the whole thing. :D

For the first six months this is what I’m brining you, but as we continue on, I hope to bring some great minds on board to help with the channel. :D Hope you guys come check out my new channel that will be opening this June, and start releasing shows in July. So subscribe on June and let’s get ready for some fun times :D

Jesse Abundis

LOVE IS BRUTAL

WRITTEN BY: JESSE ABUNDIS

Dear old, Sally

Forty-Four

Friends all wondering

If she’ll ever be more

Than just an old maid

With too many cats

Always trying to fill a void

Of the failed 12 relationships

She ever had

Always being the one night stand

Of men who wanted a quick fuck

No fuss

No ring

No children to bare

Just a quick two minutes

To clear the cobwebs upstairs

Nothing more

Nothing less

Sometimes neither had to get undressed

Of course that all changed

Two months ago

She met a man

She thought she’ll never meet

In this lonesome world

That looked so bleak

A handsome stranger

A handsome prince

Someone to save this sweet damsel in distress

His name was Henry

Just like the prince

He spoke so softly

With words that made her swoon

Lips that made her wet

Eyes so enchanting

It took one look

To be lost forever

In that gaze

Forever hypnotized

How they spoke to her

Telling her all she needed to know

About her prince

A man so sweet

He believed in peace

Love

And harmony

This sweet stranger

Was no doubt an angel

Sent from heaven

To keep her safe

He would never hurt her

He would never break her trust

This sweet prince

Was of a noble kind

And he refuses to do such rot

To his sweet damsel in distress

Try to keep this one over a year

Her friends teased

Poor old, Sally

Never could keep a man

But this was different

It was in the air

It was in the moment

It was in the second they laid eyes

Everything felt right

Like a cosmic force

Guiding her to light

For once in her life

Halloween night

Her sweet prince calls

With seductive words of tantalizing delight

I’ll be right over with a surprise

He says

She races upstairs

Changing her clothes

Putting on her face

She could feel it in her bones

The Gods were saying

This is your night

The sound of wedding bells

Children

All danced in her head

This was a first

So new to her

What should she call?

Her four children

That was surely to bare?

A knock at the door

There he is

Sharp as ever

A smile so bright

Brighter than before

She opens the door with much delight

There in his hands

Lay a dozen red roses

Surprise

He says

Surprise she is

Dear old, Sally

Replies

I hate roses

I told you so

So many nights ago

He smiles and hands it to her

Pays no attention to her distaste

He walks into her house

Sitting on the couch

Making himself at home

How this poor fool

Should have made notes

Because every man that crossed her path

Should have known About the 12 No’s

No Anal

No Bukkake

No Calling girls

No Porn

No TV past midnight

No Naughty jokes

No Oral for you

No Oral for her

No Ease dropping

No answering her calls

No roll of the eyes

And of course the biggest of them all

No fucking roses

Under no circumstance at all

Poor old Henry

Should have known best

But now he waits

Thinking he’ll get a kiss

Instead

He gets hammered on his soft tender head

How he cries and screams

As his blood paints the walls

Too much pain to bare

For this poor fool

Who stares in awe

Wondering where his sweet damsel has vanished to

Now he looks into the eyes

Of a thing of nightmares

Meant to keep the children in line

Two more swift whacks

That’s all it took

To silence this poor fool

Who was being drag to the basement

Where he’ll shortly be with

The other 12 men

That cursed the day

They ever met

That sweet damsel in distress

“ Oh why, oh why, can’t I ever find the right man.”

FAIRY GODMOTHER

WRITTEN BY: JESSE ABUNDIS

Halloween, it dawns only once a year. For Maggie Phillips this holiday meant more than any of the others. Thanksgiving was a day to bitch, fight, standing over a hot stove, hanging out with relatives you wouldn’t spare a cent to if their lives depended on it. Spending the entire day stuffing your face with the meat of helpless animal that was too stupid to realize its flesh was the worst curse that could be brought upon it.                        

Christmas was the time of year you pretend to be cheerful, buying meaningless gifts that would be returned to the stores you bought them from, just for store credit. To people who never meant anything to you, like ex-lovers who gave you a quick fucking during that one drunken office Christmas party. It was a holiday that left you with more headaches and regrets than cheerful memories.  Halloween was in a different league, it was the time where you got to shed your old skin and pretend to be someone else entirely, the shy bookworm could be seductive, the house wife could be a symbol of hope, where a damaged soul could look sane for just one night. This is why Maggie relished this holiday, and made the most if it. This day was meant for her, the stay-at-home wife who married her high school sweetheart who wanted to be football player but ended up being the towel boy of the team, so he decided to use his head and become a chemist. A housewife who gave birth to two beautiful children, who she dreamt would be natural born artist and give back so much to the world, instead ended up becoming nothing but pot smoking monkeys. Maggie’s life circled around them, always coming to their every waking whim. She never travelled the world as she had always wanted, never meeting new interesting people or tasting new exotic foods. Instead she stayed in nowhere Ohio, getting to know the other housewives that watched soap operas day in and day out, gossiping every second they had, backstabbing each other as they turned their backs.  Just being  plain old housewives. 

Each October 1st she would pick the perfect costume, looking through catalogs, making sure to never repeat herself. She wanted something unique, one that stood out from the drug store ones. It took her some time, until she finally chose a Fairy Godmother with a nice, white glittered mask – all of it costing her $499.99. Money was no trouble; this was her day after all. A Fairy Godmother was a pleasant, welcoming figure. No one hid from her; she wasn’t scary. They welcomed her with open arms – how the children would love her!

Within days she had her costume, her new skin, ready for Halloween. Her husband would tease that she was too old to be dressing up. Her children had passed the phase of trick or treating, but that never ruined her festivities.

Maggie would spend all night making cookies and sweets on the eve of Halloween, packing each treat with her own family recipe, one that she had perfected throughout the years.

The next morning, at the crack of light, Maggie would put on her costume in the attic, looking at herself for a good hour or two. She would then go down stairs kiss her husband on the cheek as he went off to work. Her children pretended to go to school, when they were really heading to a friend’s house to score pot. Leaving Maggie alone for her yearly ritual.

Maggie would drive two cities over in her beautiful costume with her bag of treats sitting beside her, all smiles, looking to spread a little bit of joy into her world. She would stop by a park, where many children played, unsupervised. Maggie smiled and waved at them. Every child pointed at her and had the look of shock on their face, they couldn’t believe a Fairy Godmother had come to pay them a visit. They circled around her, asking what she brought in her bag, pulling on her blouse, telling her how much they loved her. Their Fairy Godmother smiled and passed out one chocolate ghost cookie to each boy and one sugar witch cookie to each girl. But one was never enough. They begged her for one more treat -  how could she say no?

After all the treats where gone, she would get back inside her car and drive away, waving goodbye at the children and wishing them well. Seeing their cute faces from the mirror as they gobbled their treats down, never once wondering who this stranger with the golden smile was or why she was handing out free treats for all to eat.

In a few hours, those children would become ill. A simple tummy ache it would seem to their parents, only to find their child in the middle of the room late night vomiting uncontrollably, crying for their parents to help, a frantic mother would hold her child as he/she convulsed, while a begging father screamed at the 911 operator to send help. Never knowing each second that passed the wonderful treat they ate was tearing their insides. All because of Maggie’s recipe, a dash of sugar, one cup of butter and a small pinch of castor beans, which purified becomes a nasty little agent known as ricin . The perks of having a chemist for a husband, you tend to pick up a few things here and there.

Reporters would race to the scene and talk to the stuck grieving parents, as cops looked for the serial killer no one saw, which no one would speak of throughout the year, a ghost coming to another city and taking the lives of the young every October. She was the boogeyman that everyone feared on Halloween, a simple housewife who spent her Sundays clipping coupons, who never missed a bake sale, who attended church on a daily basis and handed out food to the poor on Christmas. After all, isn’t that what Halloween is about, being someone else for one day, one time of the year?

Dear old, Sally
Forty-Four
Friends all wondering
If she’ll ever be more
Than just an old maid
With too many cats
Always trying to fill a void
Of the failed 12 relationships
She ever had
Always being the one night stand
Of men who wanted a quick fuck
No fuss
No ring
No children to bare
Just a quick two minutes
To clear the cobwebs upstairs
Nothing more
Nothing less
Sometimes neither had to get undressed

Of course that all changed
Two months ago
She met a man
She thought she’ll never meet
In this lonesome world
That looked so bleak
A handsome stranger
A handsome prince
Someone to save this sweet damsel in distress
His name was Henry
Just like the prince
He spoke so softly
With words that made her swoon
Lips that made her wet
Eyes so enchanting
It took one look
To be lost forever
In that gaze
Forever hypnotized
How they spoke to her
Telling her all she needed to know
About her prince
A man so sweet
He believed in peace
Love
And harmony
This sweet stranger
Was no doubt an angel
Sent from heaven
To keep her safe
He would never hurt her
He would never break her trust
This sweet prince
Was of a noble kind
And he refuses to do such rot
To his sweet damsel in distress

 

Try to keep this one over a year
Her friends teased
Poor old, Sally
Never could keep a man
But this was different
It was in the air
It was in the moment
It was in the second they laid eyes
Everything felt right
Like a cosmic force
Guiding her to light
For once in her life
Halloween night
Her sweet prince calls
With seductive words of tantalizing delight
I’ll be right over with a surprise
He says
She races upstairs
Changing her clothes
Putting on her face
She could feel it in her bones
The Gods were saying
This was is your night
The sound of wedding bells
Children
All danced in her head
This was a first
So new to her
What should she call?
Her four children
That was surely to bare?
A knock at the door
There he is
Sharp as ever
A smile so bright
Brighter than before
She opens the door with much delight
There in his hands
Lay a dozen red roses
Surprise
He says
Surprise she is
Dear old, Sally
Replies
I hate roses
I told you so
So many nights ago
He smiles and hands it to her
Pays no attention to her distaste
He walks into her house
Sitting on the couch
Making himself at home
How this poor fool
Should have made notes
Because every man that crossed her path
Should have known About the 12 No’s
No Anal
No Bukkake
No Calling girls
No Porn
No TV past midnight
No Naughty jokes
No Oral for you
No Oral for her
No Ease dropping
No answering her calls
No roll of the eyes
And of course the biggest of them all
No fucking roses
Under no circumstance at all
Poor old Henry
Should have known best
But now he waits
Thinking he’ll get a kiss
Instead
He gets hammered on his soft tender head
How he cries and screams
As his blood paints the walls
Too much pain to bare
For this poor fool
Who stares in awe
Wondering where his sweet damsel has vanished to
Now he looks into the eyes
Of a thing of nightmares
Meant to keep the children in line
Two more swift whacks
That’s all it took
To silence this poor fool
Who was being drag to the basement
Where he’ll shortly be with
The other 12 men
That cursed the day
They ever met
That sweet damsel in distress

“ Oh why, oh why, can’t I ever find the right man.”

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