Dear old, Sally
Friends all wondering
If she’ll ever be more
Than just an old maid
With too many cats
Always trying to fill a void
Of the failed 12 relationships
She ever had
Always being the one night stand
Of men who wanted a quick fuck
No fuss
No ring
No children to bare
Just a quick two minutes
To clear the cobwebs upstairs
Nothing more
Nothing less
Sometimes neither had to get undressed

Of course that all changed
Two months ago
She met a man
She thought she’ll never meet
In this lonesome world
That looked so bleak
A handsome stranger
A handsome prince
Someone to save this sweet damsel in distress
His name was Henry
Just like the prince
He spoke so softly
With words that made her swoon
Lips that made her wet
Eyes so enchanting
It took one look
To be lost forever
In that gaze
Forever hypnotized
How they spoke to her
Telling her all she needed to know
About her prince
A man so sweet
He believed in peace
And harmony
This sweet stranger
Was no doubt an angel
Sent from heaven
To keep her safe
He would never hurt her
He would never break her trust
This sweet prince
Was of a noble kind
And he refuses to do such rot
To his sweet damsel in distress


Try to keep this one over a year
Her friends teased
Poor old, Sally
Never could keep a man
But this was different
It was in the air
It was in the moment
It was in the second they laid eyes
Everything felt right
Like a cosmic force
Guiding her to light
For once in her life
Halloween night
Her sweet prince calls
With seductive words of tantalizing delight
I’ll be right over with a surprise
He says
She races upstairs
Changing her clothes
Putting on her face
She could feel it in her bones
The Gods were saying
This was is your night
The sound of wedding bells
All danced in her head
This was a first
So new to her
What should she call?
Her four children
That was surely to bare?
A knock at the door
There he is
Sharp as ever
A smile so bright
Brighter than before
She opens the door with much delight
There in his hands
Lay a dozen red roses
He says
Surprise she is
Dear old, Sally
I hate roses
I told you so
So many nights ago
He smiles and hands it to her
Pays no attention to her distaste
He walks into her house
Sitting on the couch
Making himself at home
How this poor fool
Should have made notes
Because every man that crossed her path
Should have known About the 12 No’s
No Anal
No Bukkake
No Calling girls
No Porn
No TV past midnight
No Naughty jokes
No Oral for you
No Oral for her
No Ease dropping
No answering her calls
No roll of the eyes
And of course the biggest of them all
No fucking roses
Under no circumstance at all
Poor old Henry
Should have known best
But now he waits
Thinking he’ll get a kiss
He gets hammered on his soft tender head
How he cries and screams
As his blood paints the walls
Too much pain to bare
For this poor fool
Who stares in awe
Wondering where his sweet damsel has vanished to
Now he looks into the eyes
Of a thing of nightmares
Meant to keep the children in line
Two more swift whacks
That’s all it took
To silence this poor fool
Who was being drag to the basement
Where he’ll shortly be with
The other 12 men
That cursed the day
They ever met
That sweet damsel in distress

“ Oh why, oh why, can’t I ever find the right man.”

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