The Perfect Woman: Chapter 5


Dogs Chasing Cars

There’s a couple of things the heat will do to you, it’ll make you drink water like nobodies business, have you dazed and confused, or even have you bitching non-stop like someone‘s grandparents on a long road trip, though if you were Karen Chernetsky’s neighbor, you’d probably just fuck like a dog in heat. “ Oh fuck, harder, don’t stop!”

Karen couldn’t help but burst into laughter, as her neighbor Vanessa moans poured down her ceiling, her sexual escapade was running at an all time high, one hour five-minutes, “ papi, dejame chupa te.” Must be a world record somewhere.

People around the apartment complex knew Vanessa was a nymphomaniac. A few lucky people got to share in the glory, Karen was one. She couldn’t say no to a woman that had the biggest breast she’d ever seen, one that loved to be tie down and wasn‘t afraid to get physical with her lovers. Karen still had the teeth marks on her left breast to prove it. An hour with Vanessa was like an hour in heaven, “ What…what do you mean you came, you son of a bitch I told you to wait!” Then there was hell.

You had to fuck Vanessa to her pace, one wrong move and she’ll eat you and spit you out, Karen knew she ate pretty well. But she as well got the bulls horns, everything was going right until she went down on her, when she should have been fingering her, oral caused her to ‘Ejaculate too quickly.’ She could fill an entire novel with stories about Vanessa’s bedroom antics.

“ You told me to cum?” Her one night stand was dumbfounded, he was sharing in the misery they had to endure. She felt sorry for the poor guy,who almost sounded like the janitor of the complex.

“ It was in the heat of the moment, I thought you fucking knew, for fuck sake, is this your first time fucking? How fucking stupid are you, Karen, Karen!” Vanessa thumped her foot on the floor, trying to get Karen’s attention. “ Do you want to finish me up!?”

Karen couldn’t help but laugh uncontrollably, that woman never ceased to amaze her. “ Maybe next time, sweetie !” She yelled back, she would have heard every word. The walls were paper thin, it saved them the need of calling each other on their cell phones.

“ What do I do now?” The one nightstand asked Vanessa.

“ Go back to cleaning the halls, you selfish fuck! “ Karen muffled her laughter with the pillow beside her, she was sure the janitor would be joining the group of the fallen soon , which met in the basement to bitch about Vanessa at least twice a week, sharing sex stories, and kinky things she would do with her mouth.

Karen laid in her bed, trying to fight the heat. She was almost stripped naked, only the black panties covering what was left of her exposed tattoo body, but that would go soon if the night failed to produce any coolness. She stared at her watch on the nightstand that pulsated with the time ten-thirty PM. She groaned with frustration, annoyed that she was stuck in her apartment like a kid with a curfew, when she should be out there chasing the night with Peewee, listing to their police scanners, driving down to the murder scenes, having the cops chase them out, calling them maniacs. Instead she was laying in her bedroom in the dark, listing to her neighbor getting fucked by the janitor.“ Fuck yeah, I’m sorry papi, fuck me for being a bad girl!” But that spark for the thrill was dead, ever since Jamie had walked out of their lives.

“ You promised you would never leave.” She quietly muttered as Jamie crept into her head.

It was fate that brought the trio together, a couple of out of luck people, all looking for a bit of spice in their life. All having that lure for the death, crime, people obsessed in wanting to know what drove the human mind to commit murder. They met in a chat room, the only three people up at two in the morning talking about a double homicide on the Jersey Turnpike, two young teens strangled to death and dumped in the middle of the road, stripped naked, their teeth removed and their blood drained.

They kept chatting online for hours, putting together facts they were hearing over the news and online articles. They stayed in the same chat room until the morning sun. Their poor piss hourly jobs awaited them. But before logging out, Peewee who went by the user name “TheTenthDoctor” suggested they take a road trip on the weekend, he wanted to see the crime scene for himself, scout the area, find something the cops hadn‘t discovered. “ Maybe we can solve this case“ He wrote.

She remember how her skinned crawled, it was crazy, but it was the change in her life that she needed, that they needed. So they all agreed to meet at a diner just a block from Karen’s apartment, where you could buy the worst cup of joe in the world just for 90 cents, the taste was just wrong, but the price was just right. Then again who in N.Y goes to eat at a diner, you come to chat and gossip. The online chat rooms of N.Y, minus the lonely men trying to wag their penis on cam for you. But stay after hours and you might get lucky, if that was your thing.

The walk to the diner was no easy feat in itself, she remember cursing all the way there, telling herself how crazy she was to trust a pair of online strangers. She kept arguing to herself that she didn’t need online friends, she had a group of normal friends … then it hit her, she never had any friends. She knew people, she would hang out with them, talk like them, pretend to have the same interest, smiling and laughing when it called for, but even amongst them she was the sore thumb from the group. They wanted the nine to five job, a dog, a white picket fence, an oak tree, and three kids running around them, when she wanted none of that, their paradise was her nightmare. She just wanted to feel real, to forget the past, forever, leave those chapters buried. She needed people she could relate to, people who understood her, that wouldn’t cast judgment on her, she needed someone to trust before she went off the rails and became something she wasn’t. So she wasted no time in taking off to meet these two strangers.

The day Karen came up to the diner, she passed Peewee and his old beat up Mustang, he constantly paced back and forth in the parking lot, wondering if he should go through with this, that put a smile on her face, she was glad she wasn’t the only one having doubts. She spotted him off a few blocks before coming up to the diner, his profile photo was a spitting image of the same curly head, nerdy, pencil neck kid. She let him talk among himself and walked inside.

Jamie was sitting alone at the counter, reading her murder mystery book, by an author name “ James Harris. “ She always had the habit of scratching her head like she had lice when the tension started to get to her, there wasn’t a speck of lice in that golden hair of her, that Karen could testify too, she couldn’t say the same for Peewee’s.

Jamie didn’t seem to even recognize her, though that was because of her leather jacket that covered her tattooed arms, but once the jacket came off they knew who she was. Her online photos were an homage to every tattoo she had gotten, each one telling a story of her life and journey.

They all introduce themselves, made small chitchat. Karen being the little devil she was, ordered them two cups of coffee, she bragged about how this was the best cup of coffee they’d ever taste in their life, they believed the con and they were eager to drink it down the moment it sat in front of them, and drank they did, thus becoming acquainted with the worst coffee in the world. Peewee’s eyes tear up from the taste. She laughed hysterically as Jamie fought to swallow it down. Of course, they got the last laugh as she was push into doing a shot herself, as Jamie said. “ This group flies and dies together.” Words had never sounded more pure and truthful in Karen’s life. So, down it went. The taste alone was like drinking a bottle of cat piss, and the moment it made its way down your stomach, you couldn’t help but scratch the side of your belly as it stung your inside. All of this made her ponder whoever was making this fresh brew of joe was a sinister bastard who was extracting revenge on some heinous crime that was done to him or her.

They shouted and yelled like maniacs for the thirst of adventure as they ran into the parking lot and into Peewee‘s vehicle, three strangers driving in a broken down 1992 mustang with the worn-out hot rod color, going down the Jersey Turnpike. Taking photos like tourist, pointing, laughing, having a good time. It was as if they’ve knew each other for years, long lost friends that vanished through the cracks of time, finally reunited again.

“ How is that possible, could it be true? Karen ponder as they drove. “ I don’t care, I’m living in the moment.” She mumbled to herself as the wind blew in her face. Never picturing herself to find this warmth that had eluded her for so long.

They spent all day pouring through evidence, playing detectives, looking at all the angles, coming up with charts of all the places the victims had last been seen, even talking to random strangers who had something to say. They even began to name suspects, none if it was concrete, just three people putting together fragments of ideas and theories. Peewee had concluded that the girls had been taken by a tribe of Vampires living somewhere in New Jersey, it was the only way he could explain the draining of their blood. “ They might have wanted a drink on the way back!” He said as Jamie and Karen laughed, he pleaded his case. “ I‘m not joking, I saw this thing on Youtube where a tribe of vampires still exist.” It was an insane conclusion, but they were detectives at work, they had to run down every scenario, no matter how Transylvania it got.

They drove hours on end around the same spot, though to these three souls it didn’t seem that long, before they knew it night had come.

Peewee found himself in the need of a bathroom break after drinking down a 40.ounce big gulp soda at a gas station on their first pit stop. He parked the car on the highway and ran behind the bushes to urinate. Both Karen and Jamie exited the car to stretch their legs, but Karen wasn’t prepared for the question that stilled left her puzzled to this day, “ What Musketeer are you ? ” Jamie asked pointing her finger at Karen, with the blue moon light shining down on her.

“ I am Porthos! “ Shouted Peewee behind the bushes as he urinated.

“ I don’t know which one I am, I’m not familiar with the Musketeers.” Karen said rubbing her hands against her arms for warmth, as the cold night air breezed down on them.

“ What Musketeer does Karen strike you as, Peewee ?” She asked.

Peewee came out from behind the bushes shaking his pant leg, no doubt splashing urine on himself. “ Hmm, she strikes me as the ladies man type, after the girl, not really caring about things. She’s definitely Aramis.”

“ Aramis, you say?” Jamie rubbed her chin. “ I guess that makes me Athos!”

Karen could not keep a straight face through it all, she felt at home, she found her people. “ The three musketeers!” They shouted, letting their voices echo throughout the night sky. “ One for all, all for one!”

Soon after that night, chasing down crime scenes was their second job. They got off work, met one another outside their apartments and tracked down the latest case on their desk. With months their detective worked became more advance, as they would sleuth around police stations pretending to be media reporters looking for details for their columns. The reporter angle never failed, they had detectives spill their guts about cases the moment their fifteen seconds of fame were dangled in front of their faces, they thought this would help get that unpublished crime story they had hidden away under their bed to a big name publisher, that, plus a few bucks on the side never hurt to get them to talk.

The cops would soon get wise, and once they were caught red handed, they had a group of officers escort them out and threaten to arrest them if they ever showed their faces around the precinct. “ You’re just dogs chasing cars.” They yelled at them. But simple threats and name calling wasn’t going to stop them.

Jamie bought three police scanners from a friend of a friend who knew a guy. This way they could keep up to date on anything happening behind their backyards. They were no longer just hobbyist, they were full fledged detectives and no one was going to tell them otherwise. It was three years in paradise, three years of being alive, three years where everything felt right, three years that made sense, three years that filled a void in their lives. It seemed Indestructible.

“ I can’t do this with you anymore.” Except for two months ago when Jamie had a sudden change of heart. It was out of the blue, but the words were truthful. “ How do you want me to react, how the fuck do you want to react, Karen!” She remembered the shove that Jamie gave the moment she tried to wrap her arms around her. “ I’m just tired of these kids game, it’s stupid, I want more in my life. Don’t bother calling me again, please, I just need a change in my life.” Words that struck at Karen’s heart. Before she could even react or say something, their Athos, the leader, the father of the group was gone from their lives, never to be heard from again, forever dead.

“ Oh man, I need to take a shit!” Karen scrunched her face as the voice of the janitor echoed down, disturbing her memories of the past. “ I can’t hold it, shit, get off me, I need to go now before I crap the bed!” His footsteps raced from the bedroom to the bathroom in a blaze.

“ Jesus Christ, forget it. Take your time, I’m going to finish this on my own, like always!” Vanessa screamed so loud, people on the other floors begin to shout, telling her to put a lid on it.

“ Oh Jesus, you better do that, I’m going to be a while.” His bowels movements could be heard clear as day, making Karen nauseous as the mental picture began to set in.

She got off the bed and moved to the living room before the janitor or Vanessa did anything else that would cause her to blow her dinner all over the floor. “ Fuck, someone save me.” She mumbled to herself. All of a sudden someone up in the heavens answered her call. Her cell phone began to ring from her bedroom, she sighed knowing the salsa ring tone was Peewee, she wasn’t in the mood to talk, but it beat sitting in the dark like an idiot. She paced back to her bedroom, and found the phone ringing on the nightstand. “ Hello?” She said.

“ What are you doing!?” His voice was high pitched, meaning whatever he had to say must be good, he sounded a bit like Mickey Mouse when something was making him hot and bothered.

“ Just listing to my janitor take a crap and Vanessa fucking herself, how about you?” She could her Vanessa thumping her foot on the floor, meaning she had whipped out her battery operated boyfriend, Jimmy the Dolphin vibrator, they both owned the same one, different names of course, but the same high pitch humming noise gave it away.

“ Ok, first part gross, second part awesome !” Peewee was a breath of fresh air, he just could lighten up a bad day. “ But I got something better!”

Karen sighed. “ Peewee, I really don’t want to go over to your apartment to watch porn, I don’t mind us jerking off to it, but it just gets old quick. I‘d rather do it in the comfort of my own home. ”

“ It’s not porn, no, this is a triple murder.” Karen ears perked. “ Two kids shot in the back of the head execution style, the mother was beaten to a pulp with someone’s bare fist, cops can’t make heads or tails on what the hell happened, but, what they do know is that we have a husband that‘s missing, here‘s the kicker, they found a puddle of blood in the living room, it‘s not from the kids, not from the wife, they were murder in different rooms.” Peewee was selling the moment to Karen and was doing a good job at it. “ That only leaves one person, the husband, It’s the husband juicy sweet plasma. Thing is, where’s the dead body, you don‘t bleed that bad and walk away?!”

Her heart began to race, the old lure of it all began to come back, no matter how much she fought the urge of it. “ I thought you gave up, called it quits like me?”

“ What can I say, I’m weak.” His oath to lay off porn was proof of that, thirty-minutes later he was jerking off to his phone in the bathroom. “Come on, tell me you don‘t want to see this whole hot mess for yourself?”

Karen bit on her lip, she wanted to say yes, but it just felt wrong. “ I can’t, it doesn’t feel right, with Jamie gone.”

“ Look, Jamie isn’t coming back, we need to carry on our work, with or without her. This is our calling, you’re telling me your going to give it up, just because one bad bump in the road?”

What to do, they were a group, and now they wanted to move on like nothing happened. “ This group flies and dies together.” She took a deep breath before saying a word.

“ Ok, let me get dressed.” Knowing inside it would kill her to continue. “ When will you be here?”

“ I’m outside waiting, hurry up.”

She could hear him honking. “ You were that confident that I was going?”

“ Of course, you and I are alike.” She couldn’t argue with that.


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