( TAEKOWNDO KID )
Written By: Jesse Abundis
Daniel Vazquez rushes into his local dojo after getting a beaten up by a group of teens at a near by park. Where he was trying to win the heart of his love, Nancy Nino Santa Maria.
Daniel walks up to Nancy all shy and coy, acting like a nancy boy.
Nancy, I think you’re the bomb.
I wanna go study with you.
Nancy takes a hit from her blunt
What’s wrong with your voice?
You sound like Mickey Mouse.
That’s because my balls haven’t
dropped yet, but they will!
How old are you?
All of a sudden the cool kids come around and push Daniel around, wearing their neon shirts and sketcher shoes. Because they might be thugs, but when it comes to comfort, they know Sketchers memory foam is what to wear for those long days.
Look what we got here, boys.
Daniel rushes to Nancy side.
Don’t worry, I’ll protect you.
This wasn’t the case, as Daniel was beaten up and shoved into a trash can. While he’s crying in the trash can, he discovers a flyer with the words written “ LEARN TAEKWONDO FROM MASTER JUAN!”
Daniel knew this was the plan of a higher power. Just like when he found that burn piece of toast with Jesus’s face on it, that told him to take up belly dancing and win the heart of his woman who had left with the head thug, making out with him no less.
INT. DANIEL KITCEHN. DAY
Flash back to the day where he found that piece of toast. Daniel is holding the toast that speaks to him.
Look, bitch. Just listen to me.
I’m Jesus after all.
But belly dancing…isn’t that kinda..gay..
I don’t know, Jesus.
Look, if you can’t trust Jesus.
At least trust Toast. When has
toast ever done you dirty?
You’re right, Jesus. I will do
Atta, boy. Now let’s huff paint!
People always told Daniel that the piece of toast wasn’t talking to him, it was just a gas leak. But he was pretty sure he could tell the difference. And this was another calling from a higher power.
INT. MASTER JUAN DOJO. EVENING
Daniel rushes into the dojo to find the great wise master Juan watching the soccer game on his old beaten up hand held tv.
I need your help.
Look, kid. I don’t sell pot anymore…
I teach kung fu.
I thought it was Taekwondo?
Whatever, it’s all the same thing.
It’s somewhere in Asia right?
Master Juan, there’s no time.
I need to learn Taekwondo to win
the heart of the girl I love!
That takes like months of practice.
Isn’t there another way?
That depends, you got $60?
INT. ARCADE. NIGHT
Daniel storms into the arcade, with a black Gi and black belt. He finds Nancy doing pot and still making out with the head thug, while his lackeys watch on. They stop and stare at awe at Daniel, whose voice has changed since wearing the GI. Today he sounds like a man.
Haven’t we beat you before?
( Raspy Voice )
Not today, Nancy get over here, now!
What’s wrong with you’re voice?
Are you sick, do you need a cough drop?
No, this is my man voice.
Kinda hard to make out what you’re saying?
You sure it’s not throat cancer?
You should go see a doctor.
That’s no laughing matter.
It’s not throat cancer!
How do you know if you haven’t
gotten it checked out.
You shouldn’t be afraid. It’s
scarier to live with not knowing.
Shut up! Today I have become a man.
I’m so happy for you. You’re balls dropped.
Wow, wait, his balls never dropped.
Kinda feel bad beating the shit out of him.
Well, not both, Just one.
Well, one and half.
Let me guess, you’re looking for
another beating, am I right?
No, this time you’re
getting the beating, bitch.
I sought out Master Juan.
That’s my dealer.
He does my family yard
On the weekends.
He might be my dad,
but I’m scared to confront him.
You should reach out to him.
No kid should grow up without
knowing their father.
And you don’t have to go it alone.
That’s why we’re here.
And we can to that dojo after this.
And with our new Sketchers memory
foam shoes, it will feel like a breeze.
Yes, Sketchers are pretty amazing.
Did you know what else is amazing?
Patty’s Cigs, nothing says adulthood
Like that sweet taste nicotine.
Don’t forget, smoke kids, smoke.
Silent fools! With his help and $60
He’s unleashed the warrior in me.
Prepare to taste my fury, it comes in all flavors.
INT. ER. NIGHT
Daniel is in a hosptila bed, with his mother crying by his side as he was beaten to an inch of his life.
Mom…am I a Taekowndo master?
Yes, mijo. In heaven you will be.
DANIEL DIES THE ……….wait a second, the Doctor slowly walks beside Daniel mother.
I know this might not be wrong time
But are you perhaps free for dinner?
Yes, yes I am.
❤ THE END ❤