I Played The Game

I played the game

Now there’s nothing left to say

I’m standing over this grave

Looking down at my soul

That took the round

To the head

What a shame

What came to you?

What words did you say?

To earn such pain?

Before it was taken away

Now there’s nothing left to say

Just shake my head

And pray

For better sleep

Than yesterday

Troubled Heart

She was just seventeen

Eyes that shined

With so much self doubt

Heart full of ache

Cruse to walk this earth

With the lingering question

Could she be wanted

Could she be held

Could she be loved

Would she be hated

Would they damn her name at the stake

Would they lie to her

Just to see those tears run down

What could be done

What could be said

To undone that knot in her stomach

As she stepped out

To face another day

To face the world

That would never understand what she stood for

The Perfect Woman: Welcome Home (rough draft)

This is a rough draft of the side stories I wanted to release for The Perfect Woman, it should come out down the road, in the mean time enjoy the rough draft. And please own your ebook copy of the THE PERFECT WOMAN at Amazon ( http://www.amazon.com/Perfect-Woman-Jesse-Abundis-ebook/dp/B00MU2GKZU )

Welcome Home Mr. Clinton

 

I know what I did. I didn’t do it cause I wanted to make a name, I didn’t do it to look tough, and I sure as hell didn’t do it cause I wanted to feed a habit. I just wanted to put bread on the table for my little brother and sister. Hearing them cry each night about how hungry they were can tear your soul apart, you’re going through the same, but to see the pain in their eyes, I don’t know how people can just stand there and do nothing. Maybe that’s the problem, I hated my mother for having a habit, I hated my father for never being there. Hate them so much that I wanted to make things right, I wanted to do something they could never do. But it cost me, son, it cost me.

“ What’s your plan, you’re a free man?” The guard has to ask as the gates are opening up, setting me free after ten years in the pen. I can see he got jokes, he thinks I’ll be back here again, just like the other niggers who can’t find their place once they leave this hell hole,but I ain’t, I got plans.

“ Stay far from here, and from your sorry ass.” I smile at him. I can tell he feels like cracking that baton on my head, probably wouldn’t be the first time he did that to a black man. A lot of cops took privilege on beating up on anything that wasn’t white. “ But don’t worry, I’ll write to you.”

“ Laugh it up, fucker. Won’t be long till we haul your black ass back here.”

“ You’d like that wouldn’t you?” I just have to laugh, he’s a straight up fool.

“ You got lucky cause of your friends.” Bitter words out of his mouth.

“ I got no friends, mister porky.” I smile nice and big. “ Never had any. Well, expect for you, sir.”

“ Whatever,” He stands back. “ I’ll see you soon.”

Gates open, out walks a free man, who feels less free than he was back inside that cage. There’s no party thrown, no flags, no family, just a beat up ford truck waiting for my ass, being driven by one high as nigger whose trying his best to not act like he’s been smoking the j as stumbles out of the car.

“ Fredrick Clinton, free at last, free at last, oh thank God, you’re free at last!” He ain’t my friend. “ How you’ve grown, hard time did you good.” He’s just here to make sure I keep my damn mouth shut, is all.

“ Booker.” I don’t shake his hand. I just get in the car. I wanna leave this place, now put a god damn show for the popo.

“ You a sour ass mother fucker, you know that.” He gives the finger to the cops, acting like he was the one doing hard time. If he had, he’d been traded back and forth, get his daily ass raping at nights from everyone looking to blow some steam off. “ Fucking pigs.” He gets back in, laughing, thinking he owns the world.

“ Yeah.” I say.

“ If I had my gun, I’d blast all their asses to kingdom come.”

“ Right.” He doesn’t seem to like my tone, cause I can see it in his eyes, this fool is ready to give me a good backhand for disrespecting him. I really don’t care. I don’t.

“ Look nigger, just because you did hard time for us, don’t mean you can disrespect me.” He’s wagging his finger at me, trying to act like the boss. “ I’m a made man, I run with the big dogs. You’re lucky I even bother to pick your sorry ass from the joint. So I better start seeing some gratitude from you.”

I had enough of his shit.“ Nigger, you ain’t nothing. Just another broke ass fool trying to act tough.” I grab his fingers and begin to show him a little pain, he cries out like a punk ass bitch. “ I didn’t do hard time for you, I did hard time for Rayner. Capped a nigger that was going to send his ass to the clink.”

“ Let go.” Now the tears are coming down his cheek.

“ He said he’d pay me. So I did it. Ten years, not for you.” I release the grip. “ So you best remember the next time you speak like that to me, cause I swear to you Booker. I won’t hesitate to break your fucking neck if you try to treat me like a slave, we clear?”

He pulls away quickly and starts to rub away the pain. “ I think you broke it.”

“ Well you better get used to jacking off with your left hand for now on.” I snap my fingers at him. “ Drive me to Rayner. Let’s get this over with.”

Why The Amazon Hate?

It seems hating Amazon has become a new trend among indie authors. I’m puzzled, mainly because those who are attacking, are the same people an agent or publisher would never give a rats ass about, the same authors who cried for Amazon to be the support they needed, the same ones so desperate for fame.

A lot of those authors who used and abuse Amazon KDP, have now become anti-amazon. Mainly because Amazon has opened their new Kindle Unlimited, which is a flat rate $9.99 a month, so you can read all the books your heart desire. Indie authors had a heart attack over this. They started screaming “ RAPE, RAPE, RAPE” Well, for their pockets. Because they feel Amazon new service will hurt them in the long run.

Amazon does pay a flat rate to Publishers, to indie authors without a publisher, the fee is somewhat between the $1.99 or $2.00 mark. True, it’s a bitch if you’re selling your book within the $4 or $5 mark, you’re not getting the full price of the book you priced with them. But Amazon has offered a counter, a top 100, those who become the most read book within that month, will earn a grant that falls from the range of $2,500 to – $100, plus the rental fees. But despite this, there are many sour faces.

I publish with Amazon only, and of course those who can only get the grant and rental fees are those who make their book a “ AMAZON ONLY” Book. I do so because I don’t very much care for Smashwords or any of those other sites. Amazon runs smoothly and I haven’t had a problem with them at all. I do put a lot of trust in the company, Amazon is not forcing me to join, I can still publish my book with them and other sites if I do so in the future. I will be aware, the day I do leave, I won’t have my share in any of the grants they provide.

SO, why are authors pissed, why the hate, why the call to arms? I’ll tell you why. They fear Amazon is going to crush and destroy other sites floating around. This new grant, has been called “ American Idol” by bloggers, and they are trying their hardest to tell people that Amazon is the evil giant.

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! Did people forget how life was six years ago? We had no place, we were forgotten thoughts. The same thing Amazon is giving the common folks, is what PUBLISHERS like to do. Grants are called contracts to them, Amazon Rental fee, is BIG PUBLISHERS writers fee for each book sold. But unlike the road blocks Publishers have given us, Amazon takes those away. We still get paid full price if someone isn’t apart of Kindle Unlimited, we still get a grant if Amazon rentals are in the top 100. Where among this is wrong?

The more I browse through blogs and pages, I see authors who are scared, they are scared of the giant floodgate that is opening. It’s going to bring younger authors to the floor, we’re talking sixteen year old writers, maybe even younger and this is scary, because now you have the whole world who can enter in this field and share a book. It will become harder to shine, that I do know. I truly believe in five years, the market will be double of what we have, and this means more people packing Amazon.

Am I scared of an open market, not really. I mean, let it be. I welcome the youth to come and write their hearts out and publish it. We have the power to become our own publisher. I think authors need to get off their paranoia microphone, if you don’t like Amazon, then just don’t any type of business with them at all. Don’t bitch and preach bad things, but still publish with them, that just makes you look like an arrogant fucker who can’t stand by their own principles. Excuse my harsh words, but someone has to say it.

~ Jesse Abundis